I generally try to keep the mushy gushy "I love my baby and motherhood" stuff to myself, for a couple of reasons. One, I'm typically a very quiet, keep to myself kind of person anyway and I have a hard time expressing my emotions (vocally, anyways). Two, I've been on the other side of the fence and when you don't have kids, listening to other people talk about their oh-so-wonderful children is like, the worst thing ever. So, why bother, right? WRONG!
I've decided that I will write about the mushy gushy "I love my baby and motherhood" stuff in this blog post and maybe blog posts in the future. In the words of Buddy the Elf, "I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!" So, why the sudden change of heart? Simple, I want to look back and remember how I felt at this time in my life. Plus, when Parker is a teenager and throws out the "you hate me and want to ruin my life" BS, I can pull out this blog and say "See? Look how much I love you!" Now onto the declaration of my love...
I love this kid. I mean I really really really love this kid. I know every mom says this and I'm sure we all love our children equally, but sometimes, I swear I MUST love this boy more than anyone in the entire world has ever loved another living thing. He's the sweetest, smartest, most adorable boy. Really, he is.
I could (probably should) stop here, but I think I'll go on... in staying true to my anal retentive self... I've compiled a list. Here are some things that I never really felt before motherhood came knocking on my door:
Responsibility - not only for the life I brought into this world, but responsible for every abandoned, neglected, starving child in the world. To know there are babies in this world that aren't loved as much as Parker is loved, breaks my heart.
Worry/Pain - I've heard the cliche "love hurts" (usually as the chorus to an 80's rock song), but this is different. It hurts because if I think about my love for him too much, I become terrified of the possibility that it could all be taken away from me. Then, I start thinking about all the things that could happen and wind up a pile of tears on the bedroom floor. Nick can attest to this, it's happened... several times. I'm not sure if this is normal behavior or if motherhood has taken my mild anxiety and turned me into an extremist??
Empathy - empathy for the moms who live through these unthinkables that keep me awake, worrying, at night.
Joy - the first time your child reaches his arms out to you/giggles/gives kisses [insert milestone] makes your heart feel so enormous that it just might burst.
Love - don't get me wrong, I love Nick with all my heart and soul, but the first time Parker was placed into my arms was the first time I ever felt that I could not exist without this other person.
Ok, I'm stopping. I seriously doubt anyone is still reading this, but just in case, I'll conclude with this--I adore this child.
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